Many women feel like their man just doesn't like to communicate to them. This is because they believe that in order for him to be communicating to them; he has to communicate the way they think he should be communicating. A woman may not even realize that her man is, and has been, communicating to her, but she hasn't been hearing him.
When men communicate, they do it the way they are primarily made up, and that is logically. When women communicate, they do it the way they are primarily made up, and that is emotionally. And as I have said before, one is not better than the other, they are just different.
Since he is logical, he is going to be solution oriented. So, what he is trying to communicate to you must pass through his mind. In other words, he must think it through first.
And this process usually takes some time. But if you don't understand this about men, a man's way of communicating may become frustrating to you. Plus, you could end up pushing him to communicate like you do. For example, since you are a talker you want him to be a talker, too. So, since he is not communicating to you like you think he should; by talking, you write him off as being insensitive or uncaring. And you figure that, if he is so insensitive and uncaring to your needs, you are better off either by yourself or with someone else.
And, because you did not invest the energy and time to get the right knowledge, you simply jump out of one relationship and into another, only to find yourself in the same predicament again. But before you jump ship try applying these 5 keys to getting your man talking? to you: 1. Don't ask you're man what he is feeling, ask him what he is thinking When trying to get your man (or any man for that matter) to communicate to you, don't ask him 'what he is feeling'.
Instead ask him what he is thinking. Feeling is an emotion that does not compute with him. (Note: I did not say he doesn't have feelings.
) It's just when communicating a man must process what you are saying through his mind (his logical side), and you are trying to get him to talk through his feelings or his emotional side. When this happens, a man will most likely clam up, short circuit, and decide to not say anything. Or, he will do like most men do, either he will get angry and walk away or get angry and attack. But it is imperative that you do not come to any conclusion about what he is feeling until you find out what he is thinking. 2.
Give him the space and time he needs to think his thoughts through. A man needs time to get his thoughts together. This could take a little while or a long while.
How long this may take really depends on your man. But a good way for you to give him the space and time he needs to get his thoughts together is to ask him when he thinks it will be a good time for you two to get together and talk. Notice I said, when 'he thinks'. If your man feels like you are trying to control or push the idea on him, it will cause him to back away from the idea. 3. Set a time and date Set a time and date for the 'talk'.
Setting a time and date is important to a man because it appeals to his logical side. But don't set a time and date too far into the future because anything after a few days, most men will simply forget or put it out of their minds. 4.
Set boundaries Before the 'talk' even begins set boundaries which you both agree can't be crossed. For example, start off by agreeing that there will be no yelling, no name calling, and no finger pointing. And, there will be no use of words like 'never' and 'always'. In other words, you wouldn't want to say things like, "You never listen to me", "You always wait for me to pick up after you" or "You always do that". 5. Write down your questions and concerns If your man continues to put off the 'talk' then write down your questions and concerns and ask him to read over them at a time that is convenient to him.
This is good because even though he knows the 'talk' is important to you he also feels comfort in knowing that you are not pushing it on him. Which makes him feel like he is still in control. And also gives him time to process (think about) your concerns as he goes through his day.
Plus, as an added bonus, by you writing out your concerns and organizing your thoughts, you are learning different and better ways of communicating. Remember, that is what this is all about, you being in control of you. You can't control other people but you can control you.
And the more you learn what it takes to be a better you, the wiser you become. And as your wisdom increases so does your value ? to the point where you become priceless.
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